passive-aggressive
The last months, I've been looking at the multiple train stations, a lot of posters regarding chikan koui 痴漢行為 'sexual molestation acts'. Things like chikan koui is a crime or we don't forgive chikan koui. I was reading the posters and thinking of myself, of course. It has to be horrible to be touched sexually by some random old pervert. And every time a saw a poster I remembered my conversations about chikan, with Haku Noh.
-Have you ever meet with chikan?
-Define chikan.
-Being touched.
-Well... Then, no. They have shown me their thing, though.
It was very traumatic. Remember I always go home at very late hours. I wouldn't say I walk afraid because of this, of course. But the first months following that experience, I was definitely uncomfortable.
I was walking home from the train station, and it was around 1 am. I was living at my grandma's still in those days. And, most of the times, there is no one around. So, yes, I would say it is kind of a dark and lonely road. I have to say, however, that I really liked the feeling of those walks, a bit tired of the activity in the kitchen, frankly annoyed by the Shinjuku crowds, having the pleasant night only for me.
No over-illumination. No over-advertising.
But that night was different (evidently).
I had maybe 500 or 600 feet ahead. I had just turned the last corner before getting home. Someone more like a shadow is walking in my direction. I think I ignored it. But then, when it was getting closer, I see that he has a flashlight. Just the next second I realized that he was masturbating. Walking and masturbating. Walking and masturbating, and with a flashlight.
–That only happens in Japan –I said to Haku–. They maybe masturbate in front of you in every country, but they only masturbate with a flashlight in Japan.
We crossed. I didn't run. I just kept walking. Honestly, freezed. But tried to keep calmed for some reason. I was surprised and certainly felt threatened, but at the same time, I didn't want the guy to feel that he had made an impression. I wanted him to feel ignored. So I didn't hurry. I maybe heard that he was walking towards me again, and then, fortunately, I reached the entrance safely.
Strictly speaking, this is not chikan koui. Haku said it clearly. If you are not touched, it is not chikan. Well, then. That was not chikan. So I keep imagining chikan as someone really grabbing you.
Then again, last week, I was on the train. Noon. I was just tired. I didn't even open my Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Nope. I just cast my eyes over the wagon.
Stop. A girl with sportswear enters. Regular t-shirt, regular sport pants. Cute. Fourteen, maybe fifteen years old. I stare at other things. Then, just like that, I had my eyes fixed on her buttocks. There was something happening there. The hand of a mature man was oddly near of her.
In this city, it is pretty usual to be inside of a full train. You literally have no space to move. So it may happen by accident that somebody's hand ends in parts of your body. It is possible. This time, not the case. The train was barely full. But, this man, he was strangely close to her, and I suppose almost not touching her buttocks –let alone grabbing them– but still, annoyingly close. She was definitely feeling that, because she was giving him quick glances, and trying to move away from his hand.
Stop. He just gets off.
I just felt affected. Was this chikan or not? Should I have said something instead of just looking at it? She was so young, he was so old, the whole thing was just disgusting.
Today, and this is why I ended up posting after decidedly keeping myself away from this blog, I just had a similar chikan-like experience.
On my way to school. Noon, again. I stay at the regular corner, close to the door, so I can get off quickly. I am only two stations inside the wagon.
Stop. More people enter. Suddenly, someone is really close. And since I am in a corner, I kind of feel trapped. He is facing me, grabbing the two handrails on both sides of me. He becomes closer with every train movement, and I can smell, alcohol breath. I tried to figure, is he just drunk? But he is unnecessarily over me. We are not full even. His lower part almost touches me. I didn't know. So I just placed my arms slowly in front of me to push him away. He changed his position after that.
I got off. And on my way to the study room, I kept thinking in all the ways that something sexually annoying may not be strictly chikan.
-Have you ever meet with chikan?
-Define chikan.
-Being touched.
-Well... Then, no. They have shown me their thing, though.
It was very traumatic. Remember I always go home at very late hours. I wouldn't say I walk afraid because of this, of course. But the first months following that experience, I was definitely uncomfortable.
I was walking home from the train station, and it was around 1 am. I was living at my grandma's still in those days. And, most of the times, there is no one around. So, yes, I would say it is kind of a dark and lonely road. I have to say, however, that I really liked the feeling of those walks, a bit tired of the activity in the kitchen, frankly annoyed by the Shinjuku crowds, having the pleasant night only for me.
No over-illumination. No over-advertising.
But that night was different (evidently).
I had maybe 500 or 600 feet ahead. I had just turned the last corner before getting home. Someone more like a shadow is walking in my direction. I think I ignored it. But then, when it was getting closer, I see that he has a flashlight. Just the next second I realized that he was masturbating. Walking and masturbating. Walking and masturbating, and with a flashlight.
–That only happens in Japan –I said to Haku–. They maybe masturbate in front of you in every country, but they only masturbate with a flashlight in Japan.
We crossed. I didn't run. I just kept walking. Honestly, freezed. But tried to keep calmed for some reason. I was surprised and certainly felt threatened, but at the same time, I didn't want the guy to feel that he had made an impression. I wanted him to feel ignored. So I didn't hurry. I maybe heard that he was walking towards me again, and then, fortunately, I reached the entrance safely.
Strictly speaking, this is not chikan koui. Haku said it clearly. If you are not touched, it is not chikan. Well, then. That was not chikan. So I keep imagining chikan as someone really grabbing you.
Then again, last week, I was on the train. Noon. I was just tired. I didn't even open my Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Nope. I just cast my eyes over the wagon.
Stop. A girl with sportswear enters. Regular t-shirt, regular sport pants. Cute. Fourteen, maybe fifteen years old. I stare at other things. Then, just like that, I had my eyes fixed on her buttocks. There was something happening there. The hand of a mature man was oddly near of her.
In this city, it is pretty usual to be inside of a full train. You literally have no space to move. So it may happen by accident that somebody's hand ends in parts of your body. It is possible. This time, not the case. The train was barely full. But, this man, he was strangely close to her, and I suppose almost not touching her buttocks –let alone grabbing them– but still, annoyingly close. She was definitely feeling that, because she was giving him quick glances, and trying to move away from his hand.
Stop. He just gets off.
I just felt affected. Was this chikan or not? Should I have said something instead of just looking at it? She was so young, he was so old, the whole thing was just disgusting.
Today, and this is why I ended up posting after decidedly keeping myself away from this blog, I just had a similar chikan-like experience.
On my way to school. Noon, again. I stay at the regular corner, close to the door, so I can get off quickly. I am only two stations inside the wagon.
Stop. More people enter. Suddenly, someone is really close. And since I am in a corner, I kind of feel trapped. He is facing me, grabbing the two handrails on both sides of me. He becomes closer with every train movement, and I can smell, alcohol breath. I tried to figure, is he just drunk? But he is unnecessarily over me. We are not full even. His lower part almost touches me. I didn't know. So I just placed my arms slowly in front of me to push him away. He changed his position after that.
I got off. And on my way to the study room, I kept thinking in all the ways that something sexually annoying may not be strictly chikan.
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