headache = massage ≠ brain tumor
My favorite fragance is jazmin.
I'm mentioning it because that's the scent of the lotion I'm using today. And that comes to my mind because today something very particular happened regarding the senses. Something that I might have known theoretically or even metaphorically, but that I specifically put my mind on it just a couple of hours ago.
And
it
is
that
→ pain numbs the senses ←
Not any kind of pain: recently inflicted pain, for example, arouses the sensation.
I'm talking about this one → Pain that you leave there to stay. Pain that you don't think is that important, malignant, maybe too sutil to even try to get rid of it. You can live with it. Apparently.
But, then, days later, you feel something different, your sense of touch has lowered, you even feel weak, sleepy.
I've been affected by headaches since I was 17. In that time, they were truly horrible experiences. I would get nausea, throw up, have dark clouds in my vision, be dizzy, have difficulty to talk, my whole body would shut down. The so-called migraine completely featured. Now, fortunately, they are more manageable, but I still loose my intelectual functionality (for those who haven't got to it: yes, that sucks when you are doing a Ph.D.), and the only way to get it back is resting it off.
So I've been doing that for the last four days, believe it or not –it's never been this long, I have to say–. Today I realized that it was not going away, so I went to the doctor. I went to the neurologist, to be more specific. I got pictures of my head, and nothing seem to be wrong, so he just gave me a bunch of painkillers and sent me home.
I was disappointed, I don't know what I was expecting –maybe an aswer that made sense to a one-week-long headache?–. But then I remembered that noone still has any idea of the causes of migraines, that the closest they have got to the truth is something stress related.
In this case, not even that. He went like, well, you know, maybe you slept in a bad position, so your muscles are stiff. Go and get a massage, and you'll be fine. Don't worry.
I looked at him from my one-week-long drama, feeling like an idiot. A massage! Why didn't I think about it? How did I go from I have a headache to maybe I have a brain tumor?
I mean, putting aside the fact that this doctor guy is not the maternal –or paternal– type at all, and that sometimes I feel that medical treatment should be more integral, in the sense that it would be more satisfactory for us patients if they look at the syptoms from a broader perspective and not only observe those that are their responsability... And am I asking too much if this perspective includes also the mental and emotional factors?
I'm in limbo now with a bunch of painkillers. With my numbness and all.
I come back home. I eat. I swallow the pills.
And, then,
magic.
I thought, wow, is this how being alive feels?! Man, it's amazing. I jumped in the shower, and the sensation of hot water running over my head and my body is simply clear and defined. A defined feeling. I would never thought that was going to be such a pleasure. To purely feel without numbness.
And, yes, of course, I made it all about emotional pain and how if you leave it there to stay you stop recognising pleasure, even the most basic feelings.
I learned that I have to be more careful with muscle stiffness, that painkillers are wonderful and that I should stick a post-it somewhere with the following sequence:
"headache = massage ≠ brain tumor."
I'm mentioning it because that's the scent of the lotion I'm using today. And that comes to my mind because today something very particular happened regarding the senses. Something that I might have known theoretically or even metaphorically, but that I specifically put my mind on it just a couple of hours ago.
And
it
is
that
→ pain numbs the senses ←
Not any kind of pain: recently inflicted pain, for example, arouses the sensation.
I'm talking about this one → Pain that you leave there to stay. Pain that you don't think is that important, malignant, maybe too sutil to even try to get rid of it. You can live with it. Apparently.
But, then, days later, you feel something different, your sense of touch has lowered, you even feel weak, sleepy.
I've been affected by headaches since I was 17. In that time, they were truly horrible experiences. I would get nausea, throw up, have dark clouds in my vision, be dizzy, have difficulty to talk, my whole body would shut down. The so-called migraine completely featured. Now, fortunately, they are more manageable, but I still loose my intelectual functionality (for those who haven't got to it: yes, that sucks when you are doing a Ph.D.), and the only way to get it back is resting it off.
So I've been doing that for the last four days, believe it or not –it's never been this long, I have to say–. Today I realized that it was not going away, so I went to the doctor. I went to the neurologist, to be more specific. I got pictures of my head, and nothing seem to be wrong, so he just gave me a bunch of painkillers and sent me home.
I was disappointed, I don't know what I was expecting –maybe an aswer that made sense to a one-week-long headache?–. But then I remembered that noone still has any idea of the causes of migraines, that the closest they have got to the truth is something stress related.
In this case, not even that. He went like, well, you know, maybe you slept in a bad position, so your muscles are stiff. Go and get a massage, and you'll be fine. Don't worry.
I looked at him from my one-week-long drama, feeling like an idiot. A massage! Why didn't I think about it? How did I go from I have a headache to maybe I have a brain tumor?
I mean, putting aside the fact that this doctor guy is not the maternal –or paternal– type at all, and that sometimes I feel that medical treatment should be more integral, in the sense that it would be more satisfactory for us patients if they look at the syptoms from a broader perspective and not only observe those that are their responsability... And am I asking too much if this perspective includes also the mental and emotional factors?
I'm in limbo now with a bunch of painkillers. With my numbness and all.
I come back home. I eat. I swallow the pills.
And, then,
magic.
I thought, wow, is this how being alive feels?! Man, it's amazing. I jumped in the shower, and the sensation of hot water running over my head and my body is simply clear and defined. A defined feeling. I would never thought that was going to be such a pleasure. To purely feel without numbness.
And, yes, of course, I made it all about emotional pain and how if you leave it there to stay you stop recognising pleasure, even the most basic feelings.
I learned that I have to be more careful with muscle stiffness, that painkillers are wonderful and that I should stick a post-it somewhere with the following sequence:
"headache = massage ≠ brain tumor."
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